Masturbation- The Teen Years

Where do we even begin! Well, still masturbating I suppose.

As we can see from part 1, it all starts as a bit of a roller coaster and ,honestly, I think even that may be putting it mildly. Then you start to wonder, surely it gets easier? your brain catches up with your body and wham bang we have figured out the secrets to masturbation. Yea…sure…if adding some upside down bits, less safety buckles and no help from those people that pull that bar thing down is your idea of easier. I may have now figured out what the chair wiggling was all about, but where my mind went whilst I was doing it and why? Now there in lay the battle of…you guessed it…the teenage years.

My artistic masterpiece of puberty

The trouble is that the teenage years were long and vast and had so many more issues than just, why do I feel the need to touch myself all of the time. If I am honest this has taken me longer to write than episode 1 did because there is just so much more to wade through. So hold onto your roller coaster seats gang, fill that glass to the brim because we may just jump around a little.

I feel like Daria would have masturbated…but ironically

I do not own this image

Now I know how excited you all are for stories of how awkward I was and hilarious anecdotes of slapstick masturbating, but just sit back down there for a minute. We are at that fun part of facts and figures! Yea yea, I can hear the cheering way at the back there. For this particular episode I wanted facts and figures and thought it would be really important in order to paint a picture. You know what I realised? THERE IS SO MUCH! The internet is this vast place of teens with hormones, teens and puberty, hormones and puberty together, hair here hair there, sex here sex there, sweat, boobs and periods. I had to have a cry and a hormone episode just to get over it! and I am 30!

If you search for masturbation stats in teenage girls you know what you get slapped in the eyeballs with? Medical articles about teenage boys and masturbation, the internet cannot wait to tell us all about teenage boy urges, but what about the girls! No it may not have quite been what Emilline Pankhurst had in mind when she chained herself to railings so we could vote, but there still isn’t enough about helping teenage girls with sexual urges. However, what I did find from the many many MANY articles I read was that it is all normal, and I was probably not alone in my teenage masturbation habits because a lot of it wasn’t about choice, it was all science. But ,since in our science class in year 8 and 9 all we did was pop on a bunsen burner and see which liquid bubbled fastest, it all did feel like I was weird and no other girls were doing what I was.

I was an awkward teen, shocking I know, and if I was on some sort of adult cartoon show now I would have been totally relatable and there would be memes about me. At the time though, wearing baggy bright pink corduroy flairs, a Metallica hoody, having bright frizzy ginger hair, a bit chubby with braces….AND…a need to touch myself continuously. Not so relatable. Listen, looking back I do crack smile because I truly was one of a kind, but sometimes even the teachers looked at me like I was a no hope, so you tell me who I was supposed to talk to about all these urges. Plus, kids are mean! I couldn’t fob them off with butt exercises anymore so I had to hide in the toilet. This time, it was less talking to imaginary friends and more time spent trying to find a masturbating position, for this chubby, hormone raging ginger, that was comfortable!

I also had no one to turn to, and I mean no one. I was embarrassed, I had no idea what I was doing ,other than it was masturbation, or that it was ok and nothing to be ashamed of. The internet wasn’t what it is now and so some how, some way, I had to find ways of finding information, shockingly there wasn’t a ,I cant stop masturbating, section in the library. This only led me down alleyways of Babestation on late night t.v which used to be a channel where girls would show off for money. Get yours ladies! if only you were able to come over for a cup of tea and explain how my vagina worked! Also there was good old channel 5 after midnight, if you know then you know.

When I got a little older into the teenage years, sex started to become a factor and I didn’t want to continue without touching on that a little (stop that! that was totally by accident). Sex for me is an even more complicated story than masturbation so we will leave that for another trilogy (sorry mum)But what I will say is that porn wasn’t as readily available then, which may have been a blessing in one way. However, it didn’t stop the imagination and also didn’t stop me from noticing the things that were making me want to masturbate. And trust me when I tell you, those were not making my discoveries any easier or any less complicated.

Now I know how much you all love a story, and who am I to disappoint, grab that tea/gin/prosecco medley you have rocking and get comfy because I left this till the end, and you will see why. I must have been 14 maybe 15, it was all a little while ago so you will have to bare with me on accuracy about age here. One lunch break some friends and I were hanging out and my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. Now back then the crotch of my jeans ended where the top of the thigh ended and just as the vagina began. There was this sort of tingling sensation and, yep you guessed it! it felt good. Revelation people! there were other ways to make it feel good.

My friend at the time was stood next to me and she asked what that buzzing. This is where, in my young teenage girl naiveté, I made a serious lapse in judgement. I thought maybe this was my opening to talk about it, finally! it was a mixture of sharing how I felt with someone that was possibly doing the same thing and also there was a touch of feeling grown up and showing off how sexually active I was (with myself) and so my response to her was ,….Oh it was my phone and the vibration felt pretty good…and then I gave a sort of grin, which I thought was all knowing but probably looked like my marbles had fallen out of my face.

What happened next I think followed my masturbation and pleasure habits around for most of my teens. She looked at me and yelled that it was disgusting and then proceeded to tell the rest of the group what I had said. They in turn also thought it was disgusting and one girl told me that only boys did that. Ah the pure shame that fell over me, I was a nerdy shameful pink flair wearing sex freak that would never have a boyfriend and would be wiggling on chairs till I was dead.

I wish I knew then what I know now, that I wasn’t a freak and that it was all hormones and biology. This trilogy was never really supposed to be about the lack of education about masturbation in schools, but it has naturally taken that turn. So my thoughts to you are this. What if there had been more discussion about puberty? The darker corners of my life as a highly sex driven teen may not have happened. The more information I possessed about pleasure may have actually protected me instead of putting me in harms way. Instead of shame I would have felt acceptance and, dare I say it, normal.

Usually it is a feeling of completion to end my posts with a question, but what I would like to end on is a message to teenage me.

Rock on you shiny ginger haired, braces wearing, vibrant trouser nailing sexual beauty. You were going through a lot and you made mistakes, masturbation was not one of them.